I was sitting in my 'Interventions for Spurious Fools' class today, trying to engage constructively with the proceedings. However, there is a gentleman - and he is indeed a gentle man! - with a grasshopper-shaped head and an extraordinary comb-over...

How the flippin' heck is a DeBunkem to settle down and attend to his studies with such a distraction as this... Some people are so selfish, what with their evocative head shapes and bald denial!

Binky's back - he's back I tell you! I saw him... I just saw him... I... I... saw him slugging back a tin of lager and staring with his mean little Kris Kristofeson eyes through the Shack window. No sleep for me tonight folks! What dastardly designs has he in mind I wonder? My back-weave bristles with trepidation at the thought of what he might be planning. What's that noise... what is THAT! AIEEEEE!

A day in the life of British cops... it's a bit of a drag!

The British Prime Minister, Mr Gordon Brown, has recently reneged on a pay agreement with the British police force. Now, this Mr Brown is an extremely intelligent man (kind of at the opposite end of the intellectual scale to that renowned monkey-man, Mr 'Bewildered' Bush - proof that Darwin was onto something!), so I am sure that there was some subtle art in his decision. Clearly, he thought - 'I know, I'll pay them less for more and that'll prove to be just the incentive they need.' However, churlish and ungrateful lot that they are - well, they just went ballistic!imagine suc Indeed, so disgruntled are they that there are murmerings from the ranks about going on strike. Yes, that's right; imagine such a thing - on strike!

The problem here however, is that this would be illegal. However, - and here's a paradox - if they all go on strike then there'll be no-one to arrest them... unless, that is, they arrest themselves upon their return to work. Yes, perhaps that would be the correct procedure in these circumstances.

Don't follow leaders, watch your parking meters...

The present is what we would call 'modern life' I suppose. Well, today I realised that modern life won't shut up. The washing machine was bleeping at me. The TV was mumbling on and on... The phone kept ringing, the texts were pinging. My girls were singing along to their IPod shuffles. Noisy blooming life! Shut yer gob modern life!

Pilgrims, strollers, stumblers, anons; mumblers, bumblers, fumblers, etceteras - HELLO!